If you are with me, why can’t I smell your dearest scent?
If you are with me, why don’t I see the glitter in your eyes that always shined like stars in the night, I remember it so well!
If you are with me, why can’t I hold you tight and tell you how much I love you!
If you are with me, why do I hear howling of a wolf calling me to that place where the earth embraces you.
If you are with me, why my heart is so lonely?
Why don’t I feel your warmth?
Where is the shoulder on that I always laid my head and whispered to your ear who are you to me!
If you are by my side, so why do people think I’m insane when I talk to you.
Tell me for God’s sake only one word, tell me that it’s you!
Because I feel you. You are by my side. No matter that no one except me can see you, no matter that people laugh and mock at me, it makes no sense to me. There is only one thing that matters to me. You exist. You are the same. You are by my side. Only tell me that I am right, that it’s you. There is no dearer voice than yours. There is no one better and nicer than you. For Heaven’s sake, tell me that I’m not mistaken, that it’s not a dream, not a fairy-tale! I do really see you, but for the reasons best known to myself you can’t talk to me. It is forbidden. But you answer me by the dumb show. I ask you and you give me an answer! And when I ask you: ‘Do you love me?’, your eyes reply for you.
And I want to embrace you and to hold you tight, to shout from the rooftops, that I love you, and you push me away as if you tell me: later! I beg you, don’t leave me, I will be content with what I have now. I only wish to see you. Don’t leave. I know that we will meet each other someday, but I need you now. Can it be just my imagination, my fancy. Or maybe you wish to tell me something, to warn me? I don’t care. I am happy. Maybe I’m the happiest man on earth, because I can see my mother eternally. Thank you for it!
What words shall I use to express my feeling to you? What can I do to calm down my soul longing for you? Hearts know no law. It is so strange, if anyway I will be with you someday, in that place, a meter long, half of a meter wide, why would I change and become spiteful? I will never stop, I will never give in, I will always do what you taught me till the end of my days. I will remain the man you wished me to be. And sooner or later, when we meet each other face to face, I will embrace you and it will be you who will whisper to me: ‘I’m so proud of you, my son.’